A week ago I went to a birthday party. It didn’t get too crazy because it was a party that was thrown for a toddler 😊. She’s the daughter of one of my best friends.
I think me and my Mr. were one of the only people there that had no children. It gave me time to look around a lot and think about my group of friends.
Some of them I have known since college and after a lot of travelling, moving around, and then coming back, the friendship has continued ever since. Others have joined a little (or a lot) afterwards.
That weekend at that party things went slow motion in my head for a while as I saw them playing with their kids. I looked back at everything they (we) have endured, the astounding moments we have shared, whether together on in the distance, and also the harder times we have gone through.
Of course I knew way before that moment, but it came even clearer to me then: my friends are such amazing individuals. They have all gone through their struggles, their good and bad times, and here they are, I love every bit about them because they are everything that a person (and a good friend) needs to be.
I am so proud of them, and everything they’ve become. I feel blessed to have found them and being able to consider them part of my family.
Today by pure chance, I’ve been listening to music that I haven’t listened to in a while. A while basically means years ago, as I was a teenager.
You know that music transports you to whenever you used to hear that particular song, artist, or album altogether. Today it was a bit different. Music took me back to some time ago but what I’ve felt was not the same. For some reason I’ve felt like an spectator of my own life. It felt a bit awkward, like that teenager felt, but mostly I’ve felt like I was looking at my life from really far away, as if I was already 90 years old and I was staring at that youngster trying to tell her about what she’s missing because she’s thinking too much and being too self-conscious.
I started thinking about the things that I had experienced at that time when the music was on, and for some reason the feeling that stayed with me today was the feeling of “I need to do something”.
Every time I hear (or read) about one of my favorite artists’ life, it makes me want to create something. I feel like I have something that I need to communicate and let out, but I don’t know what it is or how to do it.
I’ve recently published a book, and I thought that that would calm me down somehow, but on the contrary, it has awaken my “hunger” for creating more stuff, whether it is prose, poems, designs or songs or… So I’ve discovered a new obsession for my days now: I can’t stop thinking about what I could (need to) do (create) in order to set myself free from the burden that is knowing that I need to let my soul speak somehow, but I don’t know why or how. But I will keep trying to figure it out.
(This post best read while listening to:
Jigsaw Falling into Place by Radiohead)