One Out of Three

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Long time no see.

I haven’t posted for a while. Busy times followed by traumatic times. Either way, it hasn’t been about finding things to say, but about focusing in just one thing at a time without wandering off more than the usual.

At this point I don’t even know what this post is going to be called and that is very unlike me.

I’ve recently experienced the loss of my younger brother, the only one I had. This is when life unfolds unexpectedly once again just to pull the rug under your feet and watch you fall.

Going through my brother’s paperwork I found out that he kept a journal, at least for a short period of time. I found out that he loved to write, and we had so many things in common without even realizing. He was highly sensitive and highly reserved, especially with family, he seemed to share little parts of his life with different people, so that only by collecting information from them all you would be able to paint the whole picture. It’s like distributing pieces of one puzzle: one piece, and one person at a time. No one can really understand what the whole image could look like when put together.

It’s sad to start really knowing him after he’s gone. I would have preferred to not getting to know him at all but knowing that he was still there.

Out of three siblings, I am the only one left. I am still undecided whether I am really sad or really mad at him.

I used to think (and tell everyone) that even though my brother and I didn’t speak so often, we knew that we were there for each other whenever we needed. I feel disappointed that he didn’t feel that way about me.

We are were so alike. I could have been him and he could have been me. My beautiful child.

Those of you who read me often enough know that besides a picture, I always pick a song to go with my posts. The one I’m including today has a special significance. I strongly believe in signs, in Synchronicity or whichever way you’d like to call it. As I sat down to type in this post, I opened my iTunes library and set it to play on shuffle. This particular song came up first out of over 2,600 songs there are in my laptop. Not much more to say.

(This post best read while listening to:

My Brother’s Eyes by A Life in Waiting)

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