Long Time (and hidden) Wishes

We spend our lives planning for the future or thinking of it. The things we study, the type of job we’d like to have, the type of life, the type of partner we’d like to share our life with and so on… We all picture it all in our minds and then plan accordingly (somehow). Every conscious move we make in life is moving toward making those wishes happen.
It’s the lighthouse we sail towards to.

But how about other things we do but we can’t explain why we do them? And especially those things that seem to take us further away from the achievement of our goals?

I’ve recently read that it’s possible that sometimes even though we have these conscious objectives, that we carefully choose and think about and dream about and work towards to, we might also have, at the same time, another unconsciously planned “agenda”, or assumption, or commitment with ourselves or whatever we want to call it, that implies we are going to have to go in opposite directions.

We do conscious efforts to fulfill our conscious goals and therefore unconscious actions will be driving us to our unconscious goals.
Both forces happening at any given time, creating and leaving a mess behind (or in front of us).

So our minds are capable of doing wonders: making us go in two different directions in this very moment. Without us realizing.
Once we have understood this, though, it seems easy to identify a solution: finding out what our hidden commitments are and void one of the two: the conscious one or the unconscious one. But not so easy I guess.

This thought is been bothering me for quite some time, but it came back to my mind today with renewed strength. Last night I had another one of those dreams that stick to you for a long time the day after.
Someone I haven’t spoken to in a long long time decided to come back from the past and step into my mind while I was sleeping.

Nothing strange in the dream, the whole story checked out, from beginning to end, no strange happenings, no crazy elements. Maybe just me resisting to be nice and unsuccessfully trying to still be angry at that person though he was being just like I remember when we first met and I so much liked.

My conscious mind guessed afterwards the dream was the result of the things I talk about lately, the new activities and the classes I’ve rejoined, the places I’ll have to visit and my newly gained perspective on past events.

My conscious mind also realized how some things from the past stick with you the same way the dream does: in the background, creeping into your mind and coming out when you least expect it.

But he showed up so intensely that I’d like to think that he consciously decided to be in my dream last night, because he can, and so he was…
(Yes, I forgot to mention that somewhere between the conscious and the unconscious I would place the wishful thinking.
Because it’s the only one that makes me smile.)

(This post best read while listening to:
High by The Cure)