Let the Horses Run Free

Every day we live under many constraints and responsibilities that require us to stick to schedules, rules and make us conform a certain image that we need to show the world.
But how much of ourselves do we really show? How much do we lose on the way? How much of that daily limited character is really our own self?

From time to time we all need to let ourselves go. We need to break from routine. We need to open the gate and let the horses run free. We need to go crazy sometimes, and release some steam in order to go back to be who we are required to be and to do what we are required to do.
Therefore we need to understand that people around us need it as well.

So let the horses jump about and run around. Then sit down, relax and watch them enjoy themselves and play.

We all know that we can count on few people when you’re having a hard time, but even fewer will be there when you need to be truly yourself. Only then, you’ll know who’s there for you and who’s not.

The people who are worth keeping in our lives are those who lean themselves against the gate, rest their chins on their hands, and smile while they eagerly watch our horses being free. Because they’ll know that’s what we need.

(This post best read while listening to:
Who’s Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses by U 2)

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Having the Guts (to Shake Up or to Break Up)

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Looking back in time I feel quite surprised of the guts that I have had in certain situations in my life. I’ve had the guts to do, to push, to refuse or to try and fight no matter how hard it was.
Now I am not so sure if I could do all those things again. Or at least right now. I don’t know how I did it, and I wonder where my courage has gone or where I got it from in the first place.

Truth is, that my memory has very long legs and it follows me wherever I go, therefore I avoid the creation of bad memories: I usually prefer to not say things instead of saying something and then be told off, or show that I’m weak or seem like a fool. You can never “unsay” or “undo” things.

There’s a situation that’s been puzzling me for a while now. When I ask for an opinion, everyone says I should lay my cards on the table and see what happens. The story is getting ridiculously confusing and long and weary. Sometimes I picture myself following everyone’s advice but mainly because I am very curious to find out finally what the different layers of this situation are like.

So many times before, I’ve decided that I’m giving up and walking away but there’s always something that unknowingly brings me back and so, here I am still.

I wish I had the courage to play my cards: open up, say what I feel and face the outcome, whatever it might be.
But I’ll more likely manage to leave the game sometime soon like I’m so used to do. It’s so much easier for me to walk away from people instead of admitting to them I need them by my side.

The problem is, I know that even if I turn away and try to not look back, the result will be the one looking back at me at some point.

(This post best read while listening to:
Love by The Smashing Pumpkins)

The Story Behind

The other day I was driving back home down the usual road. One of the passengers of the car in front of me seemed to have thrown a cd out of the window, so the cars behind were driving over the round piece of plastic on the road.
As I continued driving I saw a second CD being run over, then a third one…

Being an absolute lover of music as I am, it made me a bit upset to think that someone was throwing away CDs in such a disrespectful way. It made me think about what kind of music they contained and why that person decided to get rid of them.
Maybe they got tired of the music, maybe they were the remains of some hurtful experience.
Who knew… But of course, all this was going through my head as I drove on.

Another couple of minutes later I passed a huge truck that was transporting hundreds of gas bottles, each one with a paper collar around the cylinder valve. The CD- shaped paper collars were flying off the bottle necks as the truck sped along the highway.

Solving the mystery of the discarded CDs made me smile quite a lot.

It was interesting to think that if I had exited the road before passing the truck I would have never found out that the CDs I thought someone was throwing out a car window were in fact paper collars flying off gas bottles.
I would have missed my discovery if the truck had taken another turn, if I had driven faster, if the truck had been slower, if none of the collars had flown off while I passed the truck…

Then I started wondering whether there is a time when we’ll know all the answers, when we’ll resolve all the mysteries, whether we’ll know the story behind our story, behind our life, whether we’ll get to a coherent ending, a moral, a reason…
I wondered whether when we die, we’ll get to visit the backstage of our life, understand why things happen, what other people were thinking when they did the things they did, what they saw from their side, and every other thing that happens around our lives while we live them.

I wondered whether there’ll be a way to know what was the whole script, what happened to the other characters of our story when we don’t consider ourselves to be the main characters.
I’d love to know at some point the other stories people live and that are conditioning our own ones.

I wonder whether when we’ll die we’ll know what it all meant.

(This post best read while listening to:
That’s All by Genesis)