Blinded by the Lights

I am very aware that I haven’t written anything for over one month. This is been a very intense (sometimes stressful) time in all senses.
It’s not like I haven’t thought of topics to write about, it’s more like my head is been all over the place for a while. Every time I’ve started thinking and writing about something I’ve ended up getting off track.

About a week ago I came back from a work trip to a very distant city. If it hadn’t been for work I would have probably never stepped on that country at all. The reason behind it being that I feel there are many other destinations that I find more interesting.

But this trip has been of use to shake my beliefs once again. I thought my mind was clear and I had come to terms with my life but I guess I was wrong.
I’ve seen wonderful places and met wonderful people. I’ve overcome bothersome challenges and still managed to have a good time and come back with some homework to do…

This trip has made me restless again, it has brought some life back into me and has made me want to do things and be happy. That’s the best way I can explain it.

I’ve relived the life I had ten years ago. Meaning I’ve felt again the life I had inside of me: the hope, the wonderful expectations and amazement. And it still feels right. It’s a life where every day is exciting and I never feel lonely even though I am surrounded by strangers. There is always something to do and someone to go out with. They’re never too busy and I am never unimportant.
Here, being back for a week, I already feel surprisingly lonely although all my friends and family are around.
And that is exactly what I have always liked about living in a place where everyone is a foreigner: you’re never alone. Living in a place like the one I live in now makes me feel very isolated. The place where I live is not a single-friendly place, everything and everyone is family/couple oriented and I do not have one. And by the look of things I might not have it ever.

Away, I’ve instantly found company, people who could be friends and others who could be lovers. All were nice and very interesting people.
So what does it all mean? The trip has stirred me up tremendously. Or maybe I’ve been just blinded by the lights. Or maybe it is that I am not that crazy: there are people who are like me and think like me. It is just that they are not around here.
Therefore I might need to not be here.

(This post best read while listening to:
Dancepack by Volcano Choir)

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