Restarting Anew

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After a 3 week of intense traveling in another country, it’s time to be home.
Three weeks in another culture, immerse into different habits and different ways of seeing things.
Three weeks of revealing truth as days were passing by and I got to understand and taste many things I’ve seen in my past. Many things I’ve come to realize I’d misinterpreted. But…

But the past is way past. Now it is the time to start anew.
Whatever it will be, it’s a fresh start that I need. Once again.
Time to be setting my feet strong on the ground.

(This post best read while listening to:
Welcome Home by Radical Face)

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Le Rêve (The Dream)

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(Il faut rêver presque tous les jours)
(It’s necessary to dream almost every day)

There’s not a single day in my life when I don’t think of the people who are not in my life anymore.

I see things around and they remind me of things that that person used to do, or things that we both used to do together. And it makes me smile (a melancholic smile) every time.
They’re dreamy images of a dreamy past.

One needs to dream to keep the bad memories away, dream to hope for good memories to come.
Dream to keep thinking (hoping) that things are going to get better soon.
Dream because life will always be there, willing to turn a dream into a nightmare.
I miss that person. A lot. I understand a lot more. A lot.
More dreaming.

Pretty soon, it seems I’ll need to make decisions, too many and too important. Whether I stay and try to settle or leave and stay in a permanent unstable state, where the only thing that’ll be for sure will be change and instability.

Surprisingly the idea of settling is the most attractive, but unfortunately, there’s nothing to tie me down to a settled life.
I can just give up and settle on the idea of never settling.
But that’d be the easy way out. I’ve done that too many times.

What an irony that I never really wanted to settle and now I’d love to have a reason to have to.

Then there’s no other choice but to dream: that one day soon I won’t have to dream anymore because I’ll be living my dream.
I’ll keep dreaming.

(This post best read while listening to:
Formidable by Stromae)

Sticky Behaviors

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Sticky behaviors are those things we do, whether consciously or unconsciously, the ways we act just out of habit, because we’ve taught ourselves to do it like that.
They are customs, they could be things that we have learned or things that were engraved in our DNA when we were born.
These behaviors are like drops of thick glue.
Sometimes you don’t even realize what these behaviors or reactions are, let alone trying to change them.

I am traveling for a few weeks outside my home country. Getting to know Southern France to be more specific.
The value and the heavy role that culture plays in our learning process is so underestimated. There are so many ways we thought were right when it ends up they could be not right at all. And of course it works the other way around.

Identifying and getting to know our “sticky behaviors” will bring us closer to changing them, as well as realizing other people’s sticky behaviors will bring us closer to accepting them.

One of my stickiest behavior is to downplay and pretend I never wanted the things that I don’t have.
Another one is not minding constant change if that helps to avoid having to unwillingly lose people or circumstances on my way.

If I don’t get rid of this glue soon enough it’ll mean that I might be accepting a new job that’ll require me to pack up my things and move to somewhere the UK as soon as I’m back.

Then I’ll start all over again.
Then I’ll keep downplaying…

 

(This post best read while listening to:
Strange Vine by Delta Spirit)