Lately I‘ve been wondering way too often: “where are they now?” Those people who suddenly disappear when we still need them, those people who decided to be lost… Where are they when we think of them?
Our personal reactions come from being in and living different circumstances and diverse daily experiences. We do not know what they are thinking, what they are going through, just the same way they do not know what is going on in our lives and in our heads.
When you need someone and they are not there, how long for do you still call them out? They’re no longer there, why should you remember them, idealize them, think of them at all? They are gone. They decided to not be there. They decided you shouldn’t be there either, even though you could hear their thunder roar long before they could.
Everyone who walks away and leaves adds a little drop to the raincloud, sometimes without even realizing (like the vexing I’ve written about on a previous post). Whoever is there when the lightning strikes, wants to be there. Whoever is not there through the storm to bring an umbrella, or maybe just to make it through the storm and get soaked with you, forget it, they’ll never be there and therefore they’re not worthy enough to be there when/if the sun shines again.
In the end we just have to realize and accept we are virtually alone. Always and forever alone. And there are two ways of dealing with this: you either do deal with it or you don’t.
People walk away all the time, and they don’t care, they don’t bother looking back. Why should we care, then? Why do we? If they wanted to be there, they’d be, they’d be on the outside and you would let them in. But the point is that not everyone we wish is where we would like them to be. Nor are we where some people want us to be.
So I’m closing the door, using a padlock, throwing its key away. If someone really wants to find me, they will swim to get the key, try it on the padlock and struggle until they open the door, by tearing it down if that’s what it takes. I would do it for them if they needed it. If they are not even gently knocking to get me, I will not leave a message, the effort is definitely not worth it anymore.
(This post best read while listening to:
Where Are They Now by Gene, or:
Walk to the Water by U2)
(BTW, there’s a hidden message in this post if you pay attention and you are really looking)