I am not sure how many job promotions I have got in my life. Many. Plus the ones I have not accepted. Yeah, I know I should be happy. But not really. Actually, not at all. Because it makes me think of other areas in my life and that makes me feel quite frustrated. These recognitions at work do not compensate for the things that I lack in my personal life. I am still waiting for that personal promotion. An upgrade, please. I have been always been moving along the line between “forever girlfriend” and “fired”. Every time. Always in that order. One time I made it to “I have you on a pedestal”, but that was after having been “fired” (how the f*** is that even possible?). No matter how much “I work”, how much I put into it, I am never the one getting a promotion, I am the one who gets fired. And it is getting really really tiring.
What makes me worse than anyone else? What makes me not special enough? Not even special, but what makes me not just about like anyone else around? Maybe I am simply not good enough. Maybe I do not deserve it.
I want to be like that shell in the picture. A friend picked it up for me. I want to be found but be never let go.
(This post best read while listening to:
Uneven by Tara Angell)