This is a word that I always found fascinating: vex. To vex someone. To me it has always had a very strong negative meaning, and I guess it is because it kind of reminds me of “vixen”, and “vixen” reminds me of “viper”… So to me, vexing people are those who bite and inject venom into out bloodstream, and therefore, to some extent into our lives.
I know that this is a bit of a extreme word puzzle, but hey, that’s what it means to me.
There are so many times in which we are vexed by people. We are annoyed, we are made feel uncomfortable, maybe with sugarcoating excuses, maybe without even noticing ourselves. We are filled up with toxicity, with negativity. Dark poison, gloomy destruction, hazy sourness, dingy mercilessness, dreary bitterness… It all starts running through our veins. We are let down. But still hanging around.
Then we move away from certain situations, and we realize how much we are vexed, how polluted the air that we breathe is, how bad we were feeling for no reason, how not guilty we are. How we tried so hard, but what we received was unfair opposition and unavoidable hostility.
This works the other way around as well. None of us is a saint, no matter how hard we try to convince ourselves. We also vex people, even without noticing, without thinking too much about the consequences of our actions. But we are not aware, we will never, ever be aware of everything that we do. I want to insist, we are no saints, and there is no way to acknowledge some things we do to others, we do not see it, but it is a fact. I wonder whether we are entitled to the punishment (to that karma) for the things we are oblivious to, for the things we do inadvertently. I don’t know. Those things still hurt someone I guess. It is hard to walk out from somebody who, out of nowhere, just told you is falling in love with you, but on the other hand, you don’t want the opportunity to mislead that person… I am vexing him by stepping aside, and I am being vexed by him just because he’s expressing his feelings… I wouldn’t want to be hurt that way just the same way I don’t want to hurt anyone that way ever again. All this vexing we do unintendedly, we do it mainly by saying things or by reacting to certain situations in a certain way, but how can we help it?
Why does it all have to be so d*** hard? In the end, sometimes each one of us can be vexing, some other times we are vexed. Unintentionally, ideally. I want to think that way. Hopefully it all was involuntary. But it does not make it better. Or easier.
(This post best read while listening to:
Talk Down the Girl by The Veils)