The world has become silent again. Or maybe it was silent all along and I have just noticed it. It is the kind of feeling you get when you’re walking down a busy street, then you get into your car and close the door. The noise that surrounded you disappears in a second, and now it is just you and the emptiness of the small cabin, and your heart is racing.
Deprived of sound, the only thing that exists is that space and the “over awareness” of yourself, your never-ending thinking mind that inevitably wants to fill the room.
The haunting heritage is composed by the things that were done but will never be repeated, the things that were planned but will remain undone forever. The void that was filled but now is been brutally emptied again.
All of a sudden you’ve become invisible, unimportant, almost inexistent anywhere, except for inside that little enclosed universe, your new universe, that you can’t stand.
While you’re inside on your own, you try to reach out to those who are willing to listen or just willing to be present, to hear you cry, to be there, and you realize who’s there and who’s not. Who’s your family and who’s not. Who’s your friend and who’s not. Who loves you unconditionally and who does not.
It is difficult to open the door and step outside that little world again, into the noise, when you are no longer sure whether you’re visible to others anymore. How difficult to hear only yourself once again, not knowing whether you’re real or not. Hopefully just dreaming, or having a nightmare, you think, and you hope.
Hope, I wish for the New Year. Happy New Year to all of you who still believe. I am trying my very very best to.
This post best read while listening to:
How to Dissappear Completely by Radiohead