What Makes You Happy

So at a certain moment someone approaches you and says something like: “you look radiant lately, I wonder why that is”, or “there must be something new in you because you look very happy”, or anything that sounds like that. What do you make out of it?

It is so interesting that sometimes we don’t realize that we are happy until someone else points it out to us.
Sometimes we need reassurance from the outside world. So if the outside world sees it, then it must be true. 🙂

Whatever makes you happy or you think that makes you happy or people see that makes you happy, so be it. Take for what it is. And enjoy, because that’s all we need to do about it. 😊

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Total Disconnection

In an world that’s always connected, never sleeping and never stopping, it is so easy to get caught in the ever swirling wheel of everyday life and routine.
A weekend off is never enough and a few hours rest doesn’t have a winding down effect.

Most of the time we are so caught up in that fast track that the only thing we see is the blurred images of everything we are passing by and leaving behind at the speed of light.

What is there to do? How do we step off that speeding train our lives have become?

Break the circle, jump off the train and disconnect. Literally. Turn off your cellphone, go somewhere unfamiliar, where the surroundings catch your eye, where they stimulate your senses and make you feel alive. I am sure you could find many places and they are not that far away from your usual hangout.

One day there will feel like five, and when you’re back into your routine, you will be fully charged and you will feel you’re able to go at a slower pace and enjoy the ride.

Slow down, stop and disconnect. Live. Enjoy. Just be there. Really BE there in order to live.

The Shadow Behind the Light

I have an unanswered question: what’s beyond the light?

I have a recurrent nightmare: the light fades and leaves nothing but a darker darkness than ever before.

I have an unfulfilled wish: letting the light shine on… and on.

It is ok, please turn the light off, I was already sound asleep.

Don’t Leave the Road

Throughout time, we try to live and learn
We create a pathway on which we try to stay
The design and the destination, all in, day by day
Don’t ever leave the pathway, stay away from past mistakes
Walk past the edges and you’ll get astray
But suddenly back into the road, with a slap on the face…
…stay, stay!

The Importance of Being

The importance of being… important.

This has been one of my most recurrent fears since I was a little child. I remember for quite sometime I thought my parents were going to leave me unattended (and left behind) at a busy place and that would be it, I would be on my own. Being always afraid of not being important enough to anyone translated over the years into something more specific: never being important to a someone.

In this post (or in this blog either) I’m not talking about being important at a professional level (for that is something I am definitely not interested about), I’m talking strictly from a personal perspective.

Do we all need the same things? Are we all looking for the same things in life?
The more I live and the more people I know, I’m convinced that we do not speak the same language when it comes to understanding other people’s needs. (Or it might very well just be me not getting it at all). 😦

I’ve always lacked that feeling of being important (again, in a strictly personal level) to someone, just like I’ve felt some people have been in my life. When it is only one way, that means depending on someone, and that is something I don’t cope with too well. I like my freedom. I’ve learnt to. I’ve taught myself to. When I feel I am not important, I take everything personal, I feel offended very (maybe too) easily. So offended that I step back and shut myself down as a defense from getting hurt.

I’d just love to be somebody’s light just the same way they might be mine. It should be a two way thing or no-thing at all.

This thought takes me back to Grey, the first blogger I ever met in 2005 and the conversations we used to have about not wanting to save any more “damsels in distress” who will eventually forget their rescuer when they realize they do not need them anymore. The hero paradox. Getting so lost into somebody that you lose yourself. We would endlessly talk about the more adequate but difficult and therefore eternal search for “an equal”: the ideal person who is in the same situation as you are, no unbalance, no stress, no compensating for any past happenings. Not simple though. The older we get (and consequently the more damaged we are) the more impossible this finding becomes, indeed. How about somebody saves the one-time hero for a change? We have all become damsels and we are running out of heroes lately. It’s a burnout job.

We should all be as important to somebody as they might be for us. Just that. A simple thought but SO difficult to find. There’s always been a reason why it does not ever happen, I presume, why we tend to never be important enough. Sometimes the reason is known, but to me, most of the times it stays deeply concealed.

Sometimes I wonder whether I signed up for that importance or whether I forgot to. If I haven’t, I guess I’m never letting my defense down. I never thought I was asking for so much that the world would not deliver it. But really. Can’t be true.

Unforgiving

There is nothing as unforgiving as the passing of time.

Grasp the moments as they pass by
Hold them close to you
And stare them in the eye

For when they are gone
They are gone
And they are not coming back

Available Diversity

This is a picture of the vegetable section of a local supermarket.
I couldn’t help but take a picture and admire the colors, the diversity of the display and of everything that was available.

Choices, choices… We are overwhelmed by them if we stop and think.

The problem about having too many choices is the fear of being wrong. But what about those decisions that others make for us?
I’ve recently lived a situation in which a very important decision in the life of someone was taken by somebody else without even noticing. Scary. If I’m ever confined to a bed I’d like to see my life companion before I finally go, no matter whether because of an illness he might or might not recognize me. Seeing him one last time at least seems absolutely necessary for my soul. It wouldn’t seem right otherwise. It wouldn’t seem right that other people would decide for us.

To me it all comes down to wanting to be able to decide. And obviously being able to change my mind if I want to. At any given time. Ultimate decisions and sudden life turns make me (very) dizzy. But no matter how hard I’ve been trying to keep my life simple and “reversible”, there are always surprises on the way and we suppose (or we are told) that those surprises are the beauty of it. :O

On the other hand, if I had to choose between having too many choices or just one (of none), my answer would be easy: leave it up to me, I would prefer to decide and regret it whenever I need to or feel like… 😦

Is there any conclusion? No idea, to be honest… I guess I would always like to make my own decisions. Unfortunately I am realizing that once you’re an adult and you’re able to make them, there is a point when the older you get the more often your decisions are less up to you and more up to “life” (whatever that means).

If I can not decide, I am losing my freedom… And that makes me feel like I’m standing on top of a very high building, even though I am not afraid of heights.

If only the parachute was guaranteed… 🙂